Have you ever questioned if you can stop somehow comparing yourself to others?

Short Answer; no. Long answer is slightly more complicated. So let’s start with the basics;

Social Comparison Theory

We have a innate drive to compare ourselves to others to produce an accurate evaluation of ourselves, our mind does this in an attempt to reduce anxiety due to unclear thoughts and beliefs.

Types of Comparison

There are 3 types of comparison, thankfully these are easy to learn.

Upward Comparison: This is when you compare yourself to someone who you picture is above you.

Downward Comparison: This is when you compare yourself to someone who you picture as below you.

Lateral Comparison: This is when you compare yourself to someone you picture as on the same level as yourself.

Effects of Comparison

Comparing yourself can either motivate you or demoralise you. This is based on many different effects as humans are all different, however the one common factor is Perceived Attainability.

Perceived Attainability is how achievable that position is to us, for example;

Genetic Traits that cannot be altered such as height, specific hair texture, body composition can create a demotivating effect as you will feel envious of the characteristics that you won’t be able to achieve deeming yourself as lesser.

Character Traits that can be improved / altered such as confidence, personality, status can be motivating but this depends if you are the type of person to enjoy looking up to people.

There are some anomalies where it is dependant on the person comparing;

Perceived Skill

Skill is very ambiguous as some skill levels can be genetic such as creativity, physical endurance and intellectual capacity. These skills are skills that are usually passed down in genes and should not be compared as everyone is built differently. Some people will view skills as luck, hard work or a mix of both but this is again very dependant on the skill, skills like Bouldering, Skiing or Computer Science, all of these skills can be taught however you will have to use different techniques because like I said previously people are all different and you should only compare your past self to your present self in these cases.

The Full Picture

When comparing yourself people tend to look at the comparison at very face value without excluding their extraneous variables. The most common occurrence is someone looking at someone stronger and feeling demotivated to continue because they have been training for 9 months and it feels like they are so far away that it’s not possible. However here’s the full picture;

Person One - John

John has started weight lifting to get healthier, he has been doing it for 9 months without altering his diet. He doesn’t eat purely fast food, he just consumes food that tastes good. He goes home after gym to then relax.

Person Two - Thor

Thor has started weight lifting to get healthier, at first. He has been training for 5 years, after a year he has decided to take it more seriously. He started taking steroids and eating very bland meals that will then give him the macros he needs but he hates them. Before going gym he takes pre workout which is equal to 2 energy drinks and smells strong salts in order to trigger adrenaline to lift heavier weights. After a 3 hour session at the gym he decides to go home to weigh himself.

When you look at both stories in full it’s obvious who has a richer life, people have different priorities in their life and find happiness through different things.

Social Media

Social media is by far one of the worst things for confidence. Even if you are amazing at whatever you do, even if you are happy, even if you are conventionally attractive, Social media will find a way to drag you down because that is how they benefit.

People will find ways to spread information that they deem as “normal”, that will then be taken as gospel and people who shouldn’t do that will follow it as it’s “normal” and if they don’t they will feel bad for not being normal.

Remember being normal is the least normal thing you can do.

TL;DR

You cannot stop yourself from comparing yourself. Comparing can either be good for you or bad depending whether you are comparing things that you can achieve or that are out of your control, when comparing you rarely get the full picture meaning someone you compare yourself to might be having way more going on behind closed doors

If you struggle with self confidence you should quit social media, at least the bad ones, for a bit as they will provide you a scale that you realistically cannot achieve as 90% of the people you will compare yourself to are fake.

Yours Truly,

Szymon